Week 22

Ok.

So this week! I feel like we did nothing. We had Pday on Monday, so we only proselyte from 6-9. Then Tuesday we had district meeting and then did service at the nursing home. Then we weren't supposed to proselyte in the evening. Then Christmas was Wednesday, so of course we didn't proselyte all day. Then Thursday and Friday we weren't even in our area because we were serving in Kirtland. Then Saturday I got sick and we stayed in for most of the day. Then yesterday we had church all day and then when you add studies and lunch/dinner to it that leaves us with about 3 hours of proselyting time. So the total time we spent out finding and teaching this last 7 days was about 11 hours. That is SO sad. I feel like such a lazy missionary!

It's especially hard because in Kirtland the nativities are still up and we have to go and sit in each room and monitor the nativities. So we literally spent ALL DAY staring at a wall. The only time we get up is to rotate every hour or two, or to go eat or use the bathroom. The longest days of my mission so far have been the days spent in Kirtland during the nativities. I feel useless. We did get to take two tours on Friday so that was good, but they were short tours because they were both in a hurry and only wanted to see the store. So things are pretty slow in Kirtland and it's tough now that I'm used to running all the time. I don't feel like a missionary when all I do is sit all day. But next week should be better!

We did get to see Michael again on Saturday night. We officially dropped him because he keeps asking us to come back so that we can explain things to him and answer his questions, but then we answer them and he wants to argue with us. So we told him we would give him some time to study on his own because our visits are not beneficial for him or for us at this point. I'm just trying to have faith that he will find his way back. It's hard, but I know he can.

Other than that we've had a pretty uneventful week. I honestly am just scraping for things to say in this email.

So I guess I'll jump to the message I want to share this week. It's from President Monson's talk in the General Relief Society broadcast last conference. I wanted to share this because I know there are some of you who read my emails who may feel you've been abandoned by God for one reason or another. I've felt that way before, and I'm sure we all have at some point. But he shared a story about a woman who was struggling with depression due to some tragic and stressful events in her life. The depression took a toll on her health, as she had lost her appetite for food and in turn began losing weight. She tried turning to the scriptures and prayer but could not find the solace she desired. One day a concerned friend asked her if there was anything at all that she craved. She replied that the only thing she could think of was homemade bread, but unfortunately there was none around. By a small miracle, however, she was reminded that Heavenly Father was aware of her. The next day a woman who she barely knew stopped by to drop off some homemade bread. The story is much longer and detailed than that, but for the sake of time I paraphrased. He then says, "My dear sisters, your Heavenly Father loves you—each of you. That love never changes. It is not influenced by your appearance, by your possessions, or by the amount of money you have in your bank account. It is not changed by your talents and abilities. It is simply there. It is there for you when you are sad or happy, discouraged or hopeful. God’s love is there for you whether or not you feel you deserve love. It is simply always there." I also thought of Elder Bednar's talk about the tender mercies of the Lord. He says "I testify that the tender mercies of the Lord are available to all of us and that the Redeemer of Israel is eager to bestow such gifts upon us." He knows you and He loves you! I promise! I hope that we can all recognize those tender mercies because they are right in front of us.

Love you all so much and hope you have a happy new year! Be good!